As we begin this journey together I’d like to introduce you to a part of me. It’s the part that was waiting right outside my front door as I began to venture out to start the Wisdom Within group. I wonder if this is a familiar part for you too?
I call this part the Inner Critic.
“No one wants to hear what you have to say” it blurts out coldly, “you don’t know where you are going.” This voice is so familiar that I begin to believe it. It offers further evidence to support its points (visualize spreadsheets and stacks of data from the past).
A feeling of discouragement washes over me and my mind wanders to other things I should be doing that are more “useful” with my time.
How many times does this happen a day? An hour? Sometimes even a minute? How many times does this happen to you?
That critical voice talks me out of so many things. Using my words, my voice, my unique expression. Anything that might risk me being embarrassed or rejected.
Part of me hates this voice, it takes away the enthusiasm of life.
And part of me feels comforted by the safety it provides. If I don’t write or say anything I won’t have to risk feeling rejected. If I don’t use my voice I can remain under the radar. No one will see or hear me. I can be hidden and protected from life.
I have gone through large periods of time in my life where this Inner Critic ran the show. It was the driver and I believed its words to be the truth.
Can you relate?
It helped me in high school when I was too scared to talk or be myself and it became my constant companion. The one I relied on to make decisions.
It told me that I had to try hard and be perfect to get acceptance. And I tried. Straight A's, captain of the dance team, I was in as many clubs and activities that I could possibly fit in. The critical voice drove me.
So, looking back, if I follow the pattern…it drives me (to exhaustion) in ways that it feels will be socially acceptable but holds me back from the vulnerable, exposing places.
Which is ok, but the vulnerable places are the juicy parts of life. The parts where I find out more about myself by sharing it with the world.
Where might your Inner Critic be holding you back from the juiciness of life?
I picture my Inner Critic in a race car. Its hair is swept back from the speed, knuckles white from clenching the wheel. Stern look on its face. This is when it is trying to do things “right” and “acceptable.” It has gotten me far.
However, in order to share this with you today, the Inner Critic and I had to have a talk (actually it is an ongoing conversation). I thank this part for its effort in keeping me safe and “acceptable” and always trying hard.
And, I told it…there is a wide open world beyond the front door and I want to explore it. I want to be a part of that world. So yes, there will be the unknown and the vulnerability. But that is actually very exciting and full of possibilities.
After offering some compassion to this part it begins to get excited too. It rushes off to change its clothes into something more comfortable and flowy. Its hair is no longer in a blown back position, it sits softly on its shoulders and blows in the breeze.
I now see this part as the Adventurer (like the archetype of The Fool in tarot). Ready to explore, looking out into the horizons, ready for fun. The Adventurer is not afraid to make mistakes and welcomes them as part of the journey. The Adventurer doesn’t know where we are going but we are going to have fun finding out!
So here I am at the front door again, Adventurer by my side...this time ready for the unknown and feeling the spark of inspiration!
(Below is the Fool card from Tarot, which inspired this post when I pulled it! The Fool embodies the energy of adventure, curiosity, fun and facing the wild unknown).
Inquiry:
What are the messages your Inner Critic uses to protect you? (Jot them down so you will recognize that voice when it is happening more clearly).
If you weren’t afraid of making mistakes, what would you do?
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